And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
