You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize