Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
