Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
