He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
