No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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