I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
