She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
