Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
