im six kinds of drunk right now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
