Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
