I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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