It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
