i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
