So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
