Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
