I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
