Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
