I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
