I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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