Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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