Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
