So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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