So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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