vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
