is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
