Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
