So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
