Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
