How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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