Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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