Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
