If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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