Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
