my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
