I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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