And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
