i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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