apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
