my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my being single is dangerous.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
