You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
