Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i drank out of a bidet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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