Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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