just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
