Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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