I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
