Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Randomize
