ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
someone owes me an orgasm
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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