Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's like heaven, but drunker
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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