It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
