apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
