Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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